Tuesday, April 8, 2008
ONE LINERS!!!!?
So my friends tend to think that I have these "one liners." I seriously can't think of any. I don't really have very many that I could call classic! Help me out here girls. Give me some hints. Oh wait!!!... There is ONE...one, however, that tends to be brought up every so often when I need to be thrashed!! I never knew this would come back to haunt me. Here ya go, enjoy it and take it for what it's worth. One time, when my girlfriends Nicole, Niki, Jeener, Sherry, and I were vacationing in Hawaii, we rented these scooters to haul around the Island and cause havoc...we OWNED Hawaii for awhile after that you might want to know....we tend to do that when we go places..kinda like the firestation in New York! I'll explain another day. Well, and upon returning them, this stinky owner got mad at us because my friend, Jeener, was late returning hers and we didn't fill up the gas tank all the way..yadda yadda yadda. C'mon dude, it was like 25 cents short and your dealing with the tightwad girls of America who weaseled anything they could in those days just to get by. So, as this big, fat Hawaiian man starts yelling at us..for no reason..mind you..:) we tried to pull the poor me, cute innocent girl card and say we're sorry and bat our eyes... well let's just say that didn't work. So he starts to say every cuss word known to man at us and telling us to "get off HIS island" I just stood there in awe. How dare he! How dare he talk to me like that. Now you need to remember I was like 18 years old and this innocent girl from Newdale, Idaho without a mean bone in my body(back me up on this one girls) and I wasn't aware that people actually said all those words at one place..at one time, and in one sentence..I didn't know they could all come together like that...I mean that's talent right there. So, ANYWAYYYZZZZZ(nicole...that was for you) this big fat Hawaiian dude goes off on me and I just stand there and as I started to walk off..or Nicole was dragging me off because I was so stunned and dumbfounded...I couldn't let this man take me down to this Misery I was in, this endless woe..I couldn't let him talk to ME, ME of all people..HOW DARE HE!!!! I couldn't let him win the fight. So as I'm walking off, I slowly turn around and it came to me.....It came to me so smoothly, so gracefully.."SHUT UP YOU BIG MEANIE!!!" and there it was..I said it!! WHAT?? Shut up you big meanie?? What the heck? That's what I come up with? Are you kidding me? Of all the things to say to a Big Fat Hawaiian Sailormouth Man..that's what I pull off? Well, Ladies and Gentlemen..yes..I said it,that was it, there ya go. There was no taking it back! And that was that...Oh yes, Nicole gave him the big fat Bird on our way out and told every customer in line to not rent from him. I'll never live that down. I'll hear it to my grave. The end!!
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6 comments:
AWESOME!! Finally your story-telling capabilities (and you've got 'em girl) come through your blog. Oh Emiline, I bet that man still can't believe how bad you burned him.
CONFESSION: I don't remember this. Was I there when that man was yelling at us? Whenever Nicole teased you about that, I thought it was about something else in Hawaii.
You showed him though. Be proud.
Niki, you weren't there, cuz I think you and sherry rented yours from somewhere else. It was a lovely moment.
Em, you definitely put him in his place. Are you sure I flipped him off?
Now there have to be more classic one-liners/comebacks. Tara, any leads?
Love your guts, Em!
Em,
You crack me up! I miss your stories at the office!
Nicole, don't be embarrassed you gave some guy the bird..it's OK. You totally did it. I remember!! I'll show you how you did it too..it was classic!!
Oh my sweet innocent Emily, what it boils down to is this: don't mess with Idaho girls! I was taught to "Kill 'em with Kindness" and I'd say you slaughtered him! Love the story, love the vivid picture of you standing there stunned, not moving, dumbfounded. LOVE IT! I wanna see the reinactment of Nicole flipping the bird, I bet it was as good as your oneliner:) You're the best, I know you'll always have my back when it's me standing there in shock! Luckily we've always been able to play the cute innocent girl card, I cannot believe that didn't get him, what is wrong with that man, are you sure it wasn't a woman? Gosh, I'll keep thinking of your oneliners, I know they're out there, it's on the tip of my tongue but I just can't remember them right now. I know you never put up with onery salespeople or frugal Subway employees who only put 2 olives on a 6 inch sub! "Come on now"
Em,
I totally remember you telling us about that. I am not too sure if Niki and I were there or not, because we had the fastest mopeds and got to our rental place a lot quicker...:) but I remember you all telling us the story. Classic. I miss your witty ways. You are awesome. I miss laughing with you. Come to Vegas sometime-the weather is beautiful.
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